i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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