Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
