i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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