I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
