zippers are such a cool invention
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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