This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
