I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
