My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
