i think my tv is drunk
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
