I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
