He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did i walk over a car last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
