You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sarcasm needs its own font
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
