my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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