mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You need a sexual gate keeper
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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