She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
