New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
