who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
