He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
