the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
