Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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