So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
