he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
