so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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