New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
