So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dear god my vagina.
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