Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
