I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
