final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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