people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
