Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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