Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
