for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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