And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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