you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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