i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
