big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
