Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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