oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
