i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So many bounce houses so little time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
