ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
