he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sarcasm needs its own font
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
