I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
