i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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