I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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