thus making me awesome and them whores
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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