you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
