What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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