if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
