I wish life had little blips of pornography
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she peed on how many people?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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