I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
