the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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