he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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