Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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