dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
