yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
