I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
