stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
