My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
