He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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