I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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