Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
