my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
