you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
