Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
