i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
