On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
