Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
