It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
