You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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